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One Thing No One Will Ever Be Able to Do

There are many things human beings are capable of doing. Just take a look at the creation of the Internet, astronauts going to outer space, and most recently “Spray Cake.” There is one thing, however, that we as human beings cannot do.

Early on in my career, I used to become frustrated when some of the patients I provided care for didn’t improve. Usually this would happen because they didn’t follow my recommendations for one reason or another. Then one day it hit me:

I can’t change people

in fact…

NO ONE CAN CHANGE ANYONE ELSE! 

Why we can’t change others

To think we can change others, means we think that we have control over others. It’s amazing how many of us think that we have control over certain things, which are, in fact, really out of our control. We can try to force people to do things, which may bring about changes driven by fear, but coercion eventually backfires, creating resistance, resentment and even rebellion. (Just look at all of the world empires in the past.)

We can influence how others feel or how others react, but again, it is their choice as to how they will let it affect them. I can blatantly disrespect 2 different people. One person may want to lash out at me, but the other may ignore me and go on about life.

So how can we change?

We can change once we can accept the fact that the only control we have is over ourselves. This frees us from trying to control everything outside of us, that we really don’t have control over. By doing this, we in effect, can change the world around us. Mahatmah Ghandi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

If we make positive changes in ourselves, we can set a good example for others and motivate others to make positive changes. Positivity (like negativity) is contagious, and through a domino effect we can make a positive impact on a universal level. We can also promote change by supporting others and providing them with a healthy environment for when they are ready to change.

This does not mean, however, that we should change ourselves to make others like us or view us a certain way. This is still a form of control and will attract controlling and manipulative people into our life. Wanting others to view us differently implies that deep within we don’t want them to see who we really are, which is an imperfectly perfect human.

People change when they want to change

I can help in changing a lot of things when it comes to people’s health (blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc). Ultimately those changes occur when a patient makes the choice to take my advice and/or be accountable for his or her own health. Take smoking cigarettes, for example. The most successful way I have ever known someone to quit smoking, was to JUST QUIT. They didn’t need a nicotine patch, e-cigs or even prescription medications. It didn’t happen when someone else wanted them to quit. They did on their own terms.

Making the impossible, possible

I’m glad I learned early on in my career that I can’t change people. I know that my intentions are to help people and I will do my part, and that’s all that matters. If you can accept the fact that the only control you have is over yourself, you will lift a huge burden off of your shoulders and you won’t need to control life, because then life will just flow.

If you want to see changes in your life and your world, stop trying to change the outside. Stop fighting others. Stop trying to control others. Change yourself on the inside and the outside changes will follow.

Do you have an idea, product, or skill set that can help change the world? Consider sharing it at the World’s First Pay it Forward Platform at the milliondollarmosaic.org. You can also check out my book for some helpful tips on how to make positive changes within.

The Million Dollar Mosaic
Meditate don't Medicate
Let me know what has helped you move forward with changes in your life in the comments below.

Why Jealousy is Bad for Your Health

Jealousy is a terrible disease, get well soon.Jealousy, envy, hating, whatever you want to call it. It all implies one thing: You don’t value yourself.

Think about it. Those with money or accomplishments weren’t sitting around worried about what someone else had. They believed that they too could achieve their dreams. They didn’t knock their colleagues. They collaborated with the best for even better. No one who values themselves has the need to devalue someone else. Confident people know that no one person is better than anyone else, but that everyone has strengths and even weaknesses to bring to the table.

Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to

From Lululemon Athletica

Unfortunately jealousy is rampant. Social media is laced with nasty comments about celebrities and even non-celebrities. How many actually personally know those people? How many actually deep down wish they could have what those people have? How many could have used that time spent with hatred and negativity doing something better with their lives? Why not just take a neutral stance or be supportive of someone else’s accomplishments? Jealousy is different than preference, however. Certain pop stars (a few quickly come to mind), for example, may do things that annoy us, but even then it’s just something you let roll off your shoulders.

Unless someone personally harms us whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally, there is no reason to hate. Even in those cases, we can choose to forgive and move on and keep people out of our lives.

So how can jealousy affect one’s health? Anytime someone does not value themselves, there is a chance they may not value their health either, and in turn not take care of themselves. A lack of self-appreciation will inevitably show up in different areas of our lives, whether it be relationships, jobs, or our health. Constantly complaining about our health issues or bringing others down because of their healthy lifestyles does nothing to improve our own lives. Having a positive attitude not only creates a stress-free, emotionally/mentally healthy life, but allows us to focus on the measures we can take to create the lives we want.

Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.

From Lululemon Athletica

So anytime you feel jealous, take a step back and try to find out why you don’t believe you have the capability to have or be what you want. Don’t judge these feelings but do find the strength to shift your attitude in that moment. Whatever is within, will inevitably reflect without.

 

 

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The Universal Fire

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I love meaningful song lyrics, especially ones that resonate with the heart. After listening to James Blunt’s song “Bonfire Heart,” I started thinking about the mystical notion known as L-O-V-E.

Typically, in movies and songs, love is portrayed as romantic attachment between 2 people. Love is so much more than that though. It’s when our hearts feel open when a baby is born or when we hug a close friend. It’s beauty in nature and appreciation for the moment.  It’s a smile, laughter, and prayer to our Higher Power. It’s being grateful even when we feel like our world is shattering beneath us. Love is respect, happiness, peace, forgiveness, <insert any positive word, thought, feeling, adjective, person, place, thing here because I really could go on…>

I would also argue that a spark already exists in the bonfire hearts of our souls. Some bonfires may be barely flickering underneath the damp leaves and sticks made up of sadness, resentment, regret, disease, addiction <insert all things negative here.> Many bonfires, however, are glowing with compassion, kindness, gratitude and positivity.

My point is, the fire is always present in all of us. Love is our true nature. All it takes to rekindle these inherent embers is to become aware of the ashes of negativity and to burn through them. This requires letting go of the past, forgiving ourselves and others, and treating ourselves and others with respect. It requires Love. And for those of you whose fires are blazing, keep spreading the light of your love. Love is flammable, and what you give out, you get back.

With 2014 less than 24 hours away, think of ways you can add to the spark of the bonfire hearts of yourselves, others and the world. James Blunt is right, we don’t need that much. We already have it. Have a safe and Happy New Year! – Dr. A